Sunday, January 3, 2010

The LOUDSPEAKER speaks.....



Hellooozzz all you people out there….!!!


This is my first post on this not so famous BHASCOMM blog…. Now people must be wondering y I dint post earlier… 2 reasons…

Firstly, I was waiting for the oldies to have their word first… No offence darlings… but since two of the oldest oldies of BHASCOMM are nt posting their thoughts, I have decided to shower you all with my not so mature wisdom.

Secondly, people already know this…. I believe more in talking, aka shouting ;)… than writing..!!

So let me introduce myself… I am su…. The baby / bacha / self proclaimed voice of BHASCOMM (obviously since I shout the loudest) …!!

22and feb 2009…. The day I gave my IMT Ghaziabad interview (and discussed recipe of keema naan with the interviewers… god knows y). After loads of waiting lists… praying to god… fasting…. Pledges of leaving non-veg..etc etc…. I finally got a call and I grabbed the offer with both my hands. Who knew that I was grabbing not only a career in the field I love so much… but also the possibility of laughter… madness… fun… emotions… love… tears… smiles… bhasad…aand life time supply of these stupid mad diffused brains … my beloved BHASCOMM…!!!

Now plz excuse me if u find me talking about things weirdly, but my EQ is a bit disturbed rite nw (as always), see the thing is I am at home rite now about 736 kms away from them… and I am missing all my cute wide fleshy asses…. Don’t get me wrong I miss u too ash darling…!!!

The most interesting first time meeting for me was with writtziii……….. Somehow after trying to grab some sleep in class and sharing a seat behind a pillar to hide from the proff eyes kianda makes you bond with each other….. So my dear ma I guess its nt wrong to say so but we slept together the first time we met…. Hahahahaha.

These are the people who introduced me to the art of drinking madira or somrus or whatever you all out there call it….. we never put it in words… whenever you find anyone of us with a wicked smile on our face… lust in our eyes… lips smacking….no no we are not out to rape someone… Just understand we r in a mood of drinking…..!!

The most interesting night for me in IMT would be when I had to babysit all these overgrown babies… Seriously people please lose some weight…. You all are too heavy to carry ;)

Now I have to part for the next 6 months from my beloved BHASCOMM….. Seriously guys I am going to miss you all so much…. But I promise one thing…. SALON.. laut kea ne do mujhe…. Firangi daru piyenge chodi tree ke neeche baidhke…

As we say in the language of art of living.... my dear bhascomm.... I BELONG TO YOU.... love u guys….. MMMMMUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA……!!!!

Happy Birthday Prax!!!!


                                        
                                             PRAKHAR – (The man who taught us what not to do J )

About 6 months ago, I entered college and the assholes in the garb of seniors were developing my personality, when I heard someone shout .. “ Oye jaldi chalo,  ek Human Relations wala mila hai “..  That was my introduction to Prakhar Srivastav. In the subsequent days of the PDP I heard this guy do some of the funniest stuff I could ever hope to see in life.
My first proper introduction to him was through Ash. I saw this not so inviting guy as a person who the entire college knew within the first 2 days itself. So there was bound to be some apprehension on my part but thankfully all that was dispelled as I was drafted into the now famous and super rocking semi- terrorist and fully bhasadist group called BHASCOMM.
It’ been a ride (pun fully intended) since then. Knowing Prakhar has been helpful in the sense that he gets you in touch wid da hottest babes on campus (actually ise koi dekhta nhn hai isliey anyone looks good in comparison.!!!!  Hehe). But seriously when u need him, wherever u need him he wud be there. And he does tha effortlessly wid a real big heart.

Fucking IIMs don’t know what they lost out on but he is gonna show it to them one day(  am on my 3rd peg so understand guys!!!!   J ).

Arrey haan he is not called the KING OF BHASAD widout reason. Ask him to open his mouth just once, u wud either die laughing or bang ur head against a wall ( he generates extreme reactions either ways!!  The AURA of Prakhar u see !! Matter, no offense u still rock babe!!!!  J )

  • All said and done he is one guy I cud rely on. Brother ,hamaare kameene bhosad chod(meaning : fucker of big doggy ass) gaandu(owner of the biggest ass in the business ) bevde sale( drunkard and husband of sister )  love you man !!! u rock !!!!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

IFs and BUTTs's the first train journey

A trip that changed so much….
The Six Ifs and three Butts


IF we reach the station in time
IF we are able to catch the train
IF the compartment has working plug points
IF we are able to make the presentation
IF we reach KJ some in time
IF we win the comptt


And off course need not tell the three big BUTTS…Su, Writsy and Me
All began a month back .when I came across the KJ Somaiya HR comptt..Human Equations…a comptt which changed the equations forever.


The first person I think when it comes to HR, ‘Aee Writtika’ aka ‘Matter’ aka ‘Khandan’  , though as per rest of the Bhascomm and the predominant buzz arnd…Me and writs don’t do well together…. everything aside…comptt is where u have ur best men together …(though I always knew we had difference in opinion sometimes but as writtika said…after all we are friends…)


Skipping all…the entry is selected …the story starts…:


Confused totally whether to go or not…train ticket reservations..cost effectiveness..accomodation…
…presentation..exams…placement week…the moment the trip was being planned…we had loads of IFs…


And yes…..before I take u thru the trip..just remember that always try and take work in ur hand…cause there were only two things that were outsourced to other team members{its writtika, but its rude to name her} ….which were not done…(Offense intended…but remember  Writzy , I lov ya now)


Day of the trip….train at 16:30 hours…time to leave campus….14:00 hours….


Time 14:20…..
Bhatia: Praxy cld u hold on for some time , I have a visa form to submit
Praxy: Let’s sleep for a while…!!!
Praxy and Bhatia keep calling but Writsy is somewhere…no response…
Bhatia: praxy tumhare yahan koi pen kyon nahin chalta hain..don’t u even have a single pen in ur room working…
Praxy: sloshed…bhagwan galti ho gayin..aage se pura naya packet rakh lunga….mumma….
{Bhatia running to and fro}


Time 14:40…
Don’t give work to Females part  1: writsy forgets the camera


Writ: Main abhi le aaun…{yahan sabki fati padi hain,late ho rahan hain..aur madam ko ab camera lana hain….}
Praxy: leave it..let’s go…
Writsy: mera paas phone main camera hain….
Praxy: #%#%$#%$#%


The walk to the main gate took ages… though appreciate Mo and Nair coming all the way to see us off…
Good bye hugs and kisses..muah muah…etc
{Inside the Car}


Driver: late ho gayen ho aap log…jaldi nikalna chahiye tha
Praxy: #%#%$#%$#%...haan bhaiya sahi keh rahen hain der ho gayin hain..par aap to pahucha hi doge
Driver: haan try karenge
{Mohit calls}{ Nair calls}


Writsy: prakhar aren’t we late…hum log pahuch jayenge….???
Su: Hum log  pahuch jayenge….main Bhopal gayin thi..to bhi aise huan tha…paru ne pahucha diyan tha
Writsy…hum pahuch jayenge???
Praxy: {praxy tu to gayon…lag legi}…just smiling…ya we shld make it…
Anand Vihar ISBT……{ Nair calls}{Mohit calls}…..ITO …{Mohit calls}{ Nair calls}……Railway station {Mohit calls}{ Nair calls}


Finally pahuch gayen…


Writsy: I fight my own battle…main apna luggage utha lungi….
Praxy: {happy,admire females who can take care of themselves}
We go in…Su and Writsy .. Praxy platform pata kar le….


Su: Platform 4 pe aati hainJ
Writsy: Calcutta rajdhani ja rahi hain..mujhe ghar jana hain….
Praxy: its XX platform…lets go
Writsy,Su: Tune Mumbai rajdhani hi pata kiya hain na….there are so many rajdhani leaving from here..
Praxy: Haan ji…maalkin log….
{ Nair calls}


IN train


Su , writsy and I take out our laptop to work
{Mohit calls}
…not even settled….we have evening snacks coming
{if u wanna work ,never travel thru a rajdhani …they never let u work and keep on feeding u till u die….}
2 hrs go on in planning….yeh karna hain …woh karna hain..kaha se start Karen…


Uncle# 1: kam bhi kar lo..batein to bahut ho gayin….
{ Nair calls}


Somebody throws the idea…do we go to Mumbai and don’t go to college and run off….Yes …Yes…No….are the answers….
The food is here….ting ting ting…dinner time…..
{Mohit calls}{ Nair calls}


Time passes on…we make some progress…
12 in the night…people have already dropped off….


BUT ….{Mohit calls}{ Nair calls}…
The bitch and Su on top Upper births….thankfully both middle births are free…praxy standing in between…and the bell hangs in between…


Working charging points: 1
Ek anar teen bimaar….plus Su ka laptop doesn’t work when it’s not plugged on….
Making steady progress…..Wrtizy  works on organograph…praxy reads case…Su does the slides…
In between…I am on Su’s birth..and Writ says ..lets rape him….and tries to come over this side…by that time…
Su ne kahani kar di thi
{ bu hu hu, cartel b ke….samjh le bhai ke sath kyan huan}


2 in the night..things start to take shapes…loads of discussion..how do we progress…ab kaise Karen..this that…{brilliant discussion, all aspects covered}


Two thirty: Writ and Me get down in the lobby…while Su takes a small nap….Me and Wrtisy thanks to her headphones…watching the First cultural night at IMT…fashion show…Su performance..my play…etc


There is a weird guy passing here and there…
Bitches bitch abt him
Back to work….


Su: my laptop is abt to go…put in on charger fast..{ only she  has the final pres}….
I jump into action and try and plug in the plug…my ass on writ legs and the rest is history…
And writsy enjoys{ This is the famous Ass rub scene}…{m sure both hav more inputs}


3:30 : all of us are hungry…we smell fresh cutlets…
We get some cutlets and breads….one of the best meals on wheels ever….


We dont realize uncle getting up…..he wanted to  pee…he stands up starts walking..missing my bell and balls by barely inches…his pee could have cost me my fatherhood….
We get to serious working and the pres is done by 5…and we sleep…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was pretty  much it for now….there will be personal biases…im not that good of a writer ..pardon me for that…sp mistakes will be there….
Jus wanna say in the end…the trip did a lot to me and my perceptions…and I am thankful I went…Love Su and Writ more than ever…and now Bhascomm comes firstJ

And yes there is more to the trip…..mumbai..the comptt….the Writ-prax pune trip and more….

Thursday, December 31, 2009

hApPy nEw YeAr


So, we waited and waited for Praxie to post his travelogue...and,guess what, we are still waiting!!

In the meantime, 2010 is here...
Like every year, I'm amazed how the last one got over so quickly...dreams unfulfilled...promises waiting to be kept...extra weight yet to be lost...

This post is specially for the 5 little pieces of my heart which are scattered all over the country right now...
Now that roaming SMS rates are not really low, I figured, the fastest and the most inexpensive way to wish them would be thru apna really really under-used blog...

After receiving some flak for forwarding unoriginal SMSs (Heck Ash, the message was funny!!), I decided to list down all my wishes for the 6 of us...the 6 Idiots as Ashish rightly put...

Well, people, I hope 2010 brings us higher GPAs...easier subjects...more academic sincerity...good summer jobs...and even better final ones...fat salaries but slim waistlines...free flow of booze...a little bit of love (sigh!!),romance and sex (wishful thinking!!)...
and even if none of this happens...we will always have Bhascomm for,with and beside us - complete with the cute pecks and the warm hugs...

Here's to our friendship...our love...our quirks...
Here's to US...

Cheers....

and lots of wet sticky Muaaaahhhhhs....

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Shagadelic Baby!! a review of Eklavya -The Royal Guard... Read on!!!





10,000 years ago.

Mankind is learning the art of procreation. Action, Erection, Shoot & Lumpination. Alas the duffer, that man is, he hasn’t learnt to shoot his love at the right spot. That secret, is held by a select few, who learn the art of shooting at the right spot for procreation by the reverend Groanacharya.

And then there is ozLuvya. His application for learning the hidden art has been rejected by the Erection for Procreation High School run by Groanacharya. But ozLuvya isn’t deterred.

Respectfully, he goes deep into the jungle on a Mangal (Hinglish: Tuesday) for a jungle mein mangal (Hinglish: chitti chitti bang bang in the jungle) and creates something, that laid the foundation of present day Porn Industry. ozLuvya created a naked woman from clay. Which is those ages was enough for a man to get a… you know what.

And ozLuvya practiced. And practiced. He would stand, start, shag, shoot… learning by himself. Following his inner voice to learn the true art.

And at times when “it” refused to get up due to “over exertion”, ozLuvya would travel to the town of herbs, via Agra. The town of herbs would sell herbs that would hammer down “its” refusal to “get up” and would force “it” to stand up to full attention.

The target practice got better and better.

One day Groanacharya was roaming far away in the jungle, because there was no roaming facility available in and around his Erection for Procreation High School. And he found ozLuvya practicing. Target shooting was perfect. Groanacharya was shocked!

He approached ozLuvya. How did you learn this? Don’t you know this erection target practice is patented by me? Do ya know that? You punk? Now you will pay me for “infringement” right here in this Mid Shitty Day.

ozLuvya agreed. After all it was his Dharma.

O Groanacharya. Ask and it shall be done.

And Groanacharya asked for ozLuvya’s mini-me (Hinglish: mini-me, found only in the males and pre-op transexuals).

Which ozLuvya readily agreed. He cut it off. And offered it to Groanacharya, who was a little apprehensive of receiving ozLuvya’s payment in his hand…

Present day

The present day ozLuvya is quite a lover boy with a specialty. He beds queens and princesses. In this process, a queen is impregnated at the insistence of the Queen’s mother-in-law. You see the mother in law does not have a lot of trust in her son’s, the King’s, mini-me.

King Bald-endra is one stupid son of a bitch. Ooops. That would mean Queen’s ma-in-law is a biaatch…. sorry… she isn’t… not sure… since we haven’t seen her. So let’s suppose the King, Mr. Bald-endra is a son of a bitch, philosophically speaking.

Now our buddy ozLuvya when not doing the chiti-chiti-bang-bang thingy with the queens of India, also has a full time day job. That of a bodyguard to Bald-endra. He’s paid handsomely. Remuneration also includes a kholi (Hinglish: Go to Walmart, steal a shopping cart, jump into it, put a board in front of the cart that reads, “Home Sweet Home”).

Bald-endra then one day realizes his grown up son is not his son… it shatters him… and he kills wife, and calls it a suicide.

But truth can never be hidden for long. It always comes out and the guilty never go scot free. Prime example of this principle can be seen everwhere in the world, right from JFK’s assassination to Laloo Prasad Yadav’s chara ghotala – where it was proved that the stupid cows in Bihar were addicted to the grass in Bihar, just like alcoholics are addicted to whiskey.

But that’s besides the point.

ozLuvya meets his biological son Mr. Confused-endra who secretly has been chiti-chiti-bang-banging the King’s driver’s daughter Ms. “How-to-catch-a-rich-Husband”

More twists in the plot follow with the entry of Muchchad Singh and Jacketwa Singh, who want to kill ozLuvya, change plans decide to kill Confused-endra, change plans – and decide to kill King Bald-endra, change plans and kill themselves.

I tell ya. This is one shitty confused family here.

And let’s assume King Bald-endra gets killed too. May his soul rest in peace.

ozLuvya and Confused-endra get together and spend the rest of their lives chitti-chitti-bang-banging the queens of India and all drivers’ daughters they can lay their hands on.

One big happy family.

Seriously. Is this the kind of amateurish story telling we should expect from Shri Vidhu Vinod Chopra? Is this the guy who gave us Parinda, 17 years ago, and after that suddenly went boing-boing in his head and since then has been telling stories that put even my dog to sleep?

What the hell is wrong here? Suddenly I feel either Parinda was NOT actually a Chopra creation – done by someone else Or the hunger in those times actually drove Chopra to write and direct a Parinda.

What is Chopra’s contribution to Eklavya?

The only factors which may make you sit through the movie are Nutty’s amazing cinematography that makes the movie look like a million bucks and Amitabh Bachchan.

Which brings me to the point – that Chopra too falls prey to Bachchan’s overpowering legend. And instead of fitting a Bachchan in a story, Chopra fits the story into a Bachchan, which many before him have committed a similar sin… and fallen flat on their faces, as Chopra does in this venture.

The world of Chopra is stuck in a time warp. Story telling has moved leaps and bounds far ahead in these 17 years and perhaps Chopra may do a bit good to himself to watch movies like Children of Men and Pan’s Labyrinth to realize what shit he’s throwing at us under the names of Kareeb, Mission Kashmir and now Eklavya.

Bollywood is changing it’s movie making style. Movies used to be 3 hours long. But content was lacking. Not enough meat to stretch a movie to 3 hours.

So now we have 2 hour movies. Eklavya stands even less at 110 minutes. I think Bollywood should move to Phase III, where movies should now be made of 60 minutes duration.

Eklavya has 4 scenes which are of any importance in the story and they could be wrapped up in 15 minutes.

Instead we have to suffer the entire length of close to 2 hours, because Chopra drags and drags and drags and drags till YOU FUCKING WANNA STAND UP AND SLAP EVERY PERSON IN THE THEATER FOR BEING AS FUCKED UP AS YOU ARE – the craziness that made them, like you, to watch Eklavya.

Cinematically speaking, Vidhu Vinod Chopra, as a director is finished. It’s time to scratch his name from our “must watch” list.

D Minus. Take pencil torch along with a book or a Playboy or any goddamn thing that you can read for 110 minutes while the movie plays on the screen.

This is how reviews should be done.. totally unbiased and straight from the heart or somewhere else ...............

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Bhascomm's First Pizza party!!!!





Hi People, Here are a few snaps from the first Pizza outing of Bhascomm. U know the thing about this ,man we all look so bright,young and FAIR!!!! Hail YUM Brands!!!!

Who's Who...


(From L to R : Prakhar, Ashish, Mohit,Writtika,Abhimanyu and Sugandh)


Here’s a proper introduction to Bhascomm for all you people out there–


6 faces, lost in a huge crowd of 420 people, met during the Orientation Week for the 2009-2011 batch at IMT, Ghaziabad. Since then, they ate together, laughed together, fooled around together and remained awake (Remember, IMT never sleeps) together. They bonded while there was a pretty futile attempt to have their personalities “developed” overnight.

Now, 5 months and as Abhi said, a few ups n downs later…they are still going strong…

Let’s meet (in Alphabetical order so as to steer clear from any controversies…): -
  • Abhimanyu Parashar aka Misguided Missile from Delhi – A techie by education, an MBA by design and a movie-maker at heart…proud owner of the “Bhascomm wagon” – Swapnasundari”…a Tarantino buff and a sweet-heart down to the core…
  • Ashish Nair aka Chikni from Nagpur – A guy who wanted to be a doctor but somehow ended up as a budding marketing guru…a true charmer and someone who could give Raju Srivastav a run for his money (well…almost)
  • Mohit Deshpande alias Papa from Bilaspur – The anchor of the group, Mr. Dependable, here, is a techno-wiz: a one-stop solution for all the ‘lappy’ troubles… and a 24/7 personal-loan unit for Bhascomm
  • Prakhar Srivastav, the king of Bhasad, from Ghaziabad – An HR enthusiast, a charismatic speaker, a graphologist, and an entertainer - all rolled into one…whenever you need a helping hand, you can count on him…
  • Sugandh Bhatia, the baby of the group, from Bhopal – Cute, Hard-working, Vivacious, Impulsive and Caring, well, that’s Su for you…Listen carefully - you could, probably, hear her holler a few miles away…
  • Writtika Maitra from Kolkata: And that would have to be me…Maa for some and Matter for the others…I was wary of “friendship in a B-School” when I first arrived on campus…well, I threw caution in the air and that earned me 5 of my closest friends ever…
This blog is for us, to cherish and revisit the memories that we are making here…And for you, with whom we want to share the brilliance and the warmth of our friendship…

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